Group Guidelines

1. Confidentiality 

a) Everything that is said in the group, stays in the group. We don’t talk with anyone else about what has been shared here. This is important because this may be the only place in our lives where we can say what is deeply on our minds and in our hearts.

b) We take this one step further by also asking that we refrain from commenting on a person’s Check-in, even with them, unless we've asked permission. 

       Why? 

• Because we believe in everyone’s right to be in control of their own story.

• This may be the only place where we can speak about something that we may not have shared anywhere else. We may be taking a huge risk in what we share.

• Once we have said something out loud, it changes and transforms. We may not feel the same anymore. I may need to vent about my partner, or how I’m fed up with a situation, but after I am done expressing that, I might not feel as frustrated anymore.

c) If we want to talk to someone about what they shared, we need to ask their permission first. “Can I refer to something you said in our group today?” And each of us has the permission to say, “No.” We may feel uncomfortable saying “No” to someone. Maybe it feels rude or unfriendly. Maybe no one ever respected our boundaries, privacy or “No” before. Please use these groups as a place to get comfortable setting and respecting our boundaries. Sometimes a facilitator may ask if they can make a reflection on something you have said. We may say either “Yes” or “No.” 

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2. Listen with respect, non-judgment and compassion 

a) We listen to each other with respect, non-judgment and compassion. We each come from different places, have different values, lifestyles and backgrounds. We have different identities and experiences. We make different choices and have different struggles. We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have! 

b) In this group we don’t compare our personal stories. We know that we each carry pain and burdens that are different from each other’s. “Don’t judge the book of my life by the chapter you came in on.” Whatever our experience has been, it is valid and real to us, and deserves a safe place to be expressed and supported.

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3. This is an advice-free zone 

In this group we do not offer advice. Although well-meaning, advice can often be heard as implying judgment or criticism. Instead of being helpful it can make us feel inadequate. We acknowledge that we may be feeling raw or vulnerable and advice might make us feel worse.

This is a place for peer support, validation, and empowerment. We can not act as therapists or physicians, rather, we offer hope, perspective, and help you see your strengths.

We also understand that our situations are nuanced. We most likely aren’t aware of the factors playing into someone’s circumstances or diagnosis and trust that each of us have a more informed support system outside of session that can offer trusted advice.

If you would like to receive advice, you may use the BAND group as a place to ask for and offer advice!

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4. Listen without interruption 

We listen quietly and respectfully to each person without interruption or comment. If someone is saying something that we too have experienced we can use Zoom Reactions, leave a chat in the comment, or use a visual cue like nodding or placing your hand over your heart. This way the speaker knows they are not alone but they are not interrupted. 

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5. Strong emotions are welcome 

a) In this group we welcome the expression of strong emotions. Expressing our emotions is an important part of the healing process.

b) Many of us have been told that expressing strong emotions isn’t good. That we have to “be strong.” For many of us, we’ve been discouraged from crying or showing anger. We might feel that if we let ourselves feel and express our emotions, that they are too big, we might lose control or worry others. But holding our emotions in does not make them go away. Often, it can exacerbate the ways we feel. Our pent-up emotions can spill out on the wrong person or on ourselves. “What we don’t speak, leaks.” 

c) We trust every person’s ability to navigate their feelings. Group members are not responsible for fixing or rescuing anyone. Listening and being present is enough. 

If you feel strong emotions be sure to stay with them, breathe and take your time. It’s OK. 

 

6. Self-care 

Please take care of yourself while you are here. Eat, move, use the bathroom, check on children, pets, etc. If you have to attend to something, be sure to mute and stop your video, and then come back.

If participating in an activity or sharing makes you uncomfortable, please don’t do it. This is a place for you to feel comfortable and take care of yourself. 

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7. General Zoom Etiquette

• Find a private location during the group. 

• For the privacy of our participants, please use a headset if there are other people around you.

• Write your name and pronouns on your personal video screen. 

• While we do encourage you to turn your video on, it is not necessary. 

• If not speaking, put yourself on mute.